Chronic Neck Pain
The Beginning of a Very Personal Story
Fifteen years ago, my own experience with chronic neck pain began. Following my first neck surgery, any hopes for complete healing were instantly dashed when I sustained additional injuries from a low-impact, rear-end automobile collision. Things couldn’t have been much worse for me. My life seemed like it was hit by a tsunami. Chronic neck pain spiraled into additional spasms and neuropathies. The results were catastrophic, and I’ve been living with the consequences ever since.
Chronic pain roughened my appearance and my eyes, bloodshot with dark-colored bags under them, told a horror story that was disturbing to others – a story packed with grief and hopelessness. Internally, I was stretched out of sorts like never before, being pulled and twisted from each direction, and the pain robbed me of the completeness of who I thought I was. Relief was temporary and rare. Pain soon moved from beyond what it should have been to something more invasive. My entire belief system about God was strongly challenged. In fact, I questioned every ounce of my Christian faith.
Chronic Neck Pain – The Devastating Effects
Chronic neck pain challenged every part of my being — it felt like I was undergoing death. It was like God had taken a blowtorch to my entire being. Like a goldsmith, He kept turning up the heat to burn off impurities of pride and self-sufficiency, adding salt until the dross rose to the surface. God would then scrape the dross off. Then He would turn up the heat again. He kept repeating this process until I reached utter despair and lost all ties to my old self. At the time, I saw no redemptive value in the fiery process. It hurt! Physically, I could not escape the agonizing pain. Emotionally, I collected a basketful of anguish.
I had professional success, material means, and occupational purpose. In a relatively short period of time, it all vaporized. A life once filled with recreation and activity turned sedentary. Shackled by pain for which I had no explanation, medications, lack of physical activity, and daily monotony added to a deep depression. Well-intentioned people advised exercise (I wished I could), taking more vitamins (didn’t do much good when mixed with narcotics and anti-convulsants), and dealing with stress in moderation (easier said than done). My spirit lacked passion and motivation, much less, perseverance.
God seemed hidden. Why wasn’t He rolling up His sleeves and lending a hand? Why wouldn’t He heal me when I prayerfully asked? I could only manage a daily routine of showering, dressing, eating two to three meals, lying on the couch, watching TV, and driving to my doctor’s appointments. A search for personal freedom ceased as I gave into the unending pain and fatigue.
Anger and desperate thoughts opened doors to suicidal thinking. On more than one occasion, I put my .357 magnum pistol into my mouth, wondering what kind of life exists after death. The taste of silver metal from the barrel served as a reminder that an ultimate solution for resolving chronic neck pain was to leave an ounce of lead behind my right ear. More than anything else, I just wanted out of the pain! I honestly thought my motives were unselfish. If I had to continue living this way, answering to every throb of pain, then why live? Somehow, I wanted the floodgates of utter despair to close. And even though I was too afraid to end my own life, I still did pray that God would reach out His foot, step on me, and end my misery forever.
Chronic Neck Pain – There Is Hope!
Whether chronic neck pain or any other form of ongoing, debilitating injury, have you ever felt like me? Does any of my story resonate with you and your situation? Have you wondered about the feeling of connection between your body, soul, spirit, and God? Guess what — The story doesn’t end here! Even though you may not see a way out of your circumstances right now, I can attest that there are some effective and pragmatic ways to navigate through this world of chronic neck pain. My sincere desire is to help you to deal more effectively if you are living with any kind of chronic pain.
What steps are you going to take to get relief from the clutches of living with chronic pain? Other related topics about living with chronic pain are contained within this site. Thank you for stopping by…