Spiritual Fitness & Living With Chronic Pain

After undergoing my first neck surgery and living with a lot of pain after that, it took me nearly two years to get over the anger about my horrendous circumstances.
 
At first, I was very angry and somewhat rebellious. Losing my health, my physical abilities, my career and many relationships shattered my own perceptions regarding acceptance, identity, security and purpose. Being Christian in my religious beliefs did not stop me from also being mad at God. I had asked myself many questions. Was this God’s vengeance for something wrong and sinful in my own core being? Was this the best way for God to make corrections in my life? Did God really need to be the punisher?
 

From viewing myself from the outside inward, everything appeared satisfactory outwardly, but in reality, I had made several personal mistakes, in which self-centeredness was at the root of my illusion of who I thought I was and what influence I thought I had over others, as well as related circumstances.
 
One might consider these mistakes as blatant sin, insisting on some form of retribution. That is what I thought was happening to me as pain seemed to be providing adequate punishment for a failed marriage, moral laxity, and a broken heart. But as it turned out, the meaning of pain was much more than I originally imagined. No matter how bad things got, pain wasn’t being used as a means of torture; but instead, it was a way of correction to set my life back on the right course of living.
 
As a result, continued pain impulses reached deep within my soul, stripping layer upon unsuspecting layer of masked problems. The deeper the pain penetrated inwardly, the more I recognized my unhappiness and discontent as really being a form of evil.  Not that I ever thought of myself as evil nor was I practicing any form of satanic worship nor was I really doing anything wrong when comparing my lifestyle to others; but in full honesty, my deepest intentions were sinful, selfish and wicked. Sin was like a chameleon hiding within the deciduous part of my heart. 
 
Pain served one of two purposes for me. Either I could continue to rebel against the fiery trials of pain as well as the people and systems associated with it or I could readjust my attitude, beginning my spiritual journey with a clean slate from God.
 
About two years later, I chose the second option, turning to the realisms of following Jesus Christ. After deciding to rededicate my life to Christ, the anger immediately left me even though the pain hadn’t. I no longer viewed God as vengeful because no evil passions exist in Him. Nor did I see God as a punisher about my sin, because I knew His grace already took care of that. 
 
As CS Lewis writes about pain, “…It gives the only opportunity the bad man can have for amendment. It removes the veil; it plants the flag of truth within the fortress of a rebel soul.”
 
Perhaps pain is poignantly used in your life to dig up the bad things that you struggle with or maybe you’re fully unaware of any root of sin in your soul? Perhaps you are being set free to have a deeper relationship with God?
 
No matter how you feel right now; I challenge you to take the plunge of faith and to be set free from your anger about pain and its devastating consequences. Good soil within your heart is being worked by pain so new life can spring forth. God is not your punisher. God, through Jesus Christ, is the gardener of your soul.
 
Keep me on your favorites. For more about living with chronic pain, as well as spiritual healing, visit me at www.gordonselley.com

 
To your health, Gordon Selley

To your health,