Spiritual Fitness & Living With Chronic Pain

This past week has been extremely difficult. My brother, Clay Owen Selley, committed suicide on September 16, 2008. His premeditated death has left a nasty sting within the hearts of his family, friends and community.

Admired personally and professionally, Clay proved valuable to others as nearly 900(+) people honored him by attending his memorial services this past Saturday. Crowds entered the church, speculating as to the reasons for his sudden fate?

Painful emotions were palpable as tears rolled from the cheeks of many; while others searched for answers to the unsolvable questions that suicide leaves behind. Why did Clay really take his life?

To begin to even scratch the surface regarding this question, preconditions must be set. I have no authority to judge the final outcomes from suicide, in terms of theological doctrine. Although I do have strong opinions about the subject, to interject my view about whether my brother is delivered into the gates of heaven or to the alternative, which is the fiery pit of hell preconceives foolish speculation and at best, spiritual arrogance on my part. For it is God and God only in the triune that knows all things, including the secret matters of each man’s heart. In his sovereignty, God has not extended this privilege to any man. For God’s ways are not our ways, they are so much higher than ours and are entirely soaked in righteousness, mercy and love.

On the other hand, God encourages us to embrace the things which he has revealed through his son, Jesus Christ. And it is from this point of reference that I make conjecture about the essentials of life and death.

Why did Clay really take his life? I don’t know. It’s easy to speculate about many potential reasons. Yet, this really does not profit anyone, especially those who will be most greatly affected by his death in the future, such as his wife and two girls.

But what I do know is this. We can learn from the meaning of life. Because once any of us crosses the line from life into death, we really have no concrete answers to satisfy our curiosity about another person’s demise. The mystery of the unknown still prevails, making us wonder about all the reasons why it was done and about all the excuses for our inadequacies to fully prevent such a tragedy to occur in the first place.

In our attempt to logically put the broken pieces back together, the grief process does not wait for us to gain our composure. Instead, it comes upon us like a freight train bullying us off the tracks of life and flings us deep into the ground of despair. After the initial shock and denial about the act of suicide, then pain and guilt slithers its way into our emotional make-up. From this point, it’s easy to feel defeated against the tidal waves of pain, anger, undone details and depression. It’s hard to grieve correctly because each stage of grief comes at you very quickly then switches gears into something else just as unexpectedly. It’s hard to keep up with it. And in the meantime, inappropriate things are said and done, causing deep wounds against those who are supposed to be closest to you, especially those members in the same family. Frankly, the after effects of suicide leave a mess and worst of all; it leaves seemingly impenetrable scars on the hearts of those left behind.

Without doubt, my brother must have experienced horrific bouts of pain, depression, brokenness and hopelessness. Or otherwise, I do not believe that he would have committed such a selfish act.

The first lesson to learn from his death involves the tug-of-war battle between pain and pride. Clay had all the mechanisms in place to deal with any life challenge, regardless of its size. This includes a professed Christian faith, a great family, a successful business, and from the evidence of outpouring from his friends, church and community, he had additional relational support to adequately overcome any obstacles.

Please listen to what I am about to convey on this blog. It’s not pain that ultimately causes someone to take their own life, even though pain might certainly act as a catalyst in the destruction of life. It is pride that is the downfall for man. It is pride that prevents us from believing and from realizing who we are and why we are created. It is our pride that denounces the power of God and creates distance in our hearts from him. And inevitably, it is pride that refuses to undergo painful trials and to sustain life until the end. This is certainly a reminder for all of us. We can’t let pride dictate our behaviors over our beliefs, faith and love.

Clay’s situation is not unique, especially during these distressed times in which we live. Many are tempted to end it all right now. It’s not an option worth contemplating.

In our abilities to cope and to move forward in life, it’s hard to function effectively without understanding the meaning about our experiences. Currently, I’m flooded with questions about suicide and living with chronic pain. Therefore, I’ll try to properly address these inquiries, especially about suicide over the next week.

Keep me on your favorites.  Please click onto www.gordonselley.com for more information about living with chronic pain,  as well as spiritual healing.

To your health,